When my parents, who were in France visiting me, decided to sally forth and explore the countryside for a few days, I blithely waved them on their way without a second thought—entirely forgetting that our linguistic journey through France had consisted of them sporting deer-caught-in-the-headlights eyes whenever anyone spoke to them, followed by rapid pointing in my direction.
“You’ll be fine!” I said cheerfully as they threw their suitcases into the silver-gray Peugeot stickshift rental. “Everyone speaks English here—don’t worry!”
Oh, the ignominy. I’d broken Rule Number One of being a successful (read: polite) traveler: never assume that people speak your native language.
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Yes, a lot of people will speak it. But a lot more won’t. How quickly I had forgotten a previous trip to Barcelona, where I found myself in at the entrance to a small art gallery nestled within an ancient monastery, with nary an English speaker in sight, and no amount of arm-flapping could translate I bought my ticket, but I don’t know where it is—can I show you the receipt instead? (Not for lack of trying on my part!)
Boy, did I get it when the folks came back three days later.
How can a humble traveler communicate in a foreign country where she doesn’t know the language? Flashcards, thick and clumsy phrasebooks, and the universal language of arm-flapping aside?
Before voyaging to a different land, you’ve probably already learned how to say hello and goodbye in the language of the country you’re visiting. Which is a very good start. You’ve probably also learned some other useful phrases such as: Where are the bathrooms? and Which way to the hotel, please?
But if you ask where the bathrooms are in a foreign language you don’t understand, and you’re answered in the same foreign language that you don’t understand, are you really any better off than you were before you asked the question?
So, if you can’t learn all the words, learn the key ones. Based on my parents’ language adventure, ones I’d heard from my friends, and some of my own, I’ve picked a few that work best for me. I call it the TEPID model:
Thank you
Excuse me
Please
I don’t speak [the particular language]
Do you speak English?
Used together or separately, these five phrases will help you get through almost any situation. You’ll present yourself as a polite, informed tourist who knows her shortcomings in the language but isn’t afraid to try. It’s amazing how nicely people will treat you when you attempt to speak their language!
And, if you’re feeling adventuresome, go ahead and learn where is the bathroom? If you don’t understand the response, paste a deer-caught-in-the-headlights on your face and smile. More than likely, you’ll be personally escorted to your destination.
If all else fails? Revert to arm-flapping. I don’t care what poets or musicians say: it truly is the universal language.
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